How to balance your energy as an introvert in a relationship
Being an introvert in a relationship, especially when your partner isn’t an introvert, can be difficult to preserve and balance your energy. For introverts, social interactions cost energy. Although my energy runs out faster when talking to people I’m not close to (colleagues, acquaintances), it still costs me energy to talk to loved ones. In this article, I will advise on how to balance your energy as an introvert in a relationship.
Let your partner know you’re an introvert — and what it means to you
First of all, it’s important that your partner knows that you’re an introvert. Maybe you have already discussed this on dates, but even then it’s important to explain to them what your introversion (and personality) means to you specifically. Many people have the misconception that being an introvert automatically means you’re shy, socially anxious or awkward, but it doesn’t have to. Some introverts work very typically “extroverted” jobs, in which they frequently give presentations or manage a team.
When you have this conversation, don’t forget to ask your partner if they identify as an introvert, extrovert or ambivert! It can help your communication and with understanding each other, when you both know when your energy levels are highest and when they’re draining.
Schedule your week — don’t forget to plan time to be alone
It can help to make a week planning (or day planning) in which you write down all the activities that cost you energy and that make you gain energy. The difference with making your planning this way, instead of just writing down your appointments, is that you have an easy overview of intense days (that will likely cost much of your energy) and lighter days.
Another pro is that apart from your fixed activities, you can also add activities or appointments that make you gain energy. Even if it’s something you do alone, such as a hobby or even just watching a series, you can write it down in your planning. That way, you can commit to your plan to take some time to yourself and unwind for a bit.
I work full-time and by Friday, I’m usually already mentally exhausted. Not physically, which makes it more difficult to stay active and go to the gym. Knowing you’re also tired by the second half of the week can help if you plan activities to look forward to. Usually, I’m too tired to meet someone on Friday night, but I do start planning what I like to do alone. That way, I can still look forward to that without feeling overwhelmed by everything I plan to do when I’m free.
Accept that you can’t do everything in a day (or a week)
No matter how far ahead you plan, or how well you are at scheduling, it’s unavoidable that you have to cancel or delay plans sometimes. Especially when you don’t have the energy to pull through with your plans, try to accept the fact and let others know as soon as possible. People may misunderstand and feel disappointed, but as an introvert, you have to stay mindful of your energy.
I have accidentally burned myself out at the weekends before, and it doesn’t bode well for the following work week. Try to avoid this by not planning too many activities on one day or in one weekend, and listen to your mind and body. If you already know you won’t enjoy the outing because you’re too tired or overwhelmed, it’s best to skip it altogether instead of forcing yourself to go.
Tell your partner how you’re feeling
Whatever happens, it’s important to keep communicating with your partner! Even when it feels uncomfortable to talk about your (low) energy levels, your partner needs to know how you feel and how they can support you. If you both have something planned that’s important to them, there’s maybe a compromise possible, such as you arriving later or both of you leaving earlier.
Don’t forget to ask your partner about their energy levels as well, and encourage them to tell you when they feel off or low-energy. Maybe they prefer to be with you when they’re tired, or they like to be alone to unwind. Either way, you must know how the other person feels and what they need.
In summary
In summary, it’s important to talk to your partner, to schedule time for yourself during the week and to accept that you can’t do everything you want sometimes. Try to stay mindful of your own energy and take enough time to recharge, your body and mind will thank you later.
Featured image by freestocks on Unsplash
