How do I handle dating when I have anxiety? 5 tips to make dating easier

Dating can be difficult when you’re easily anxious. It’s new and uncertain and there are no clear rules. How do you prevent overthinking and making yourself crazy? In this article, I share some advice that helped me during the dating process.

1 Focus on having fun

Especially in the beginning stages of dating someone, everything can be nerve-wracking. From swiping right on someone and waiting for a match to waiting for a reply to your message, to planning a first date. When you meet someone you don’t know that well, it can be difficult to know what to expect. 

I know it’s easier said than done, but try to relax, especially in the early stages. A first date is often just for fun, to see if you two can hold a conversation longer than five minutes, and if there’s curiosity to see each other again. It’s okay to get a bit of an adrenaline rush when you just planned a date or you see someone for the first time but try not to overwhelm yourself.

2 Take enough breaks

In line with the previous advice, it’s important to take enough breaks. When do you take a break? Whenever you need it! A break can be a break from checking your phone, a break from thinking about your last date, or a complete break from dating. Try to remind yourself that there is more in life than dating, and remember to spend enough time doing other things.

If you find it difficult to take breaks, try to set reminders on your phone. There are apps you can use to disable certain websites or apps on your phone. You can also try to stick to a fixed schedule, for example: only check your dating apps between 8–9 PM. Some people find it helps well to meditate, go out for hikes, read books, do sports, and be creative, such as writing, painting, drawing, etcetera.

3 Don’t take everything too seriously

If you’re a bit like me, you probably spend hours searching the internet about what every tiny little behaviour means. What does it mean if your date sends you a certain emoji, what does it mean if they were five minutes late to a date, what does it mean if they wear the same shirt twice, etcetera? The answer to most of these questions? Nothing or it depends. Truth is, you never know.

Most of the time, every single one of these small details doesn’t matter. What does matter, is your overall impression of someone. If they keep wearing the same shirt, it may be a sign that they don’t really care about the dates, or that they simply don’t own more pieces of clothing. Not texting back in five minutes doesn’t really mean that much. But if you have to wait two days every time you text them, it might show that they don’t care to make time for you.

One thing I would recommend is: to look for balance. If you consistently put more effort into your outfit, make plans, and text back timely, it may be a sign that you need to evaluate your dates. Not everything has to be completely equal, but things should feel balanced.

4 Talk about it with someone

It can be a great relief to talk to someone close to you about how you feel. It doesn’t have to be about the person you’re dating specifically. Sometimes, you might have some new insights if you’ve opened up to someone else. Meeting someone new can trigger certain feelings that don’t have much to do with that specific person, but everything with your own experiences and past. In that case, it might be nice to talk about it with someone you trust.

5 Notice how you feel

The bottom line is: to pay attention to how someone makes you feel. When you’re easily anxious like me, it can be tempting to only think from the perspective of the other person: do they like me? Why did they act like that? Why would they say that? And sometimes it can be useful to consider those things. What’s most important, though, in my opinion, is: how did that make me feel?

Before you wonder if they like you, ask yourself the question: do you like them? Before you think about a certain text they sent or a weird remark from them, ask yourself: how did that make me feel? When I felt anxious, it was almost a reflex to blame myself for everything that went slightly wrong or felt awkward, but that’s not always the truth.

Sometimes other people make mistakes as well, say something they didn’t mean, are busy with other things, and temporarily forget about something. It happens, and it doesn’t have to be a death sentence, and it’s not always someone’s fault. But you should take a moment to wonder what it does to you and act accordingly. That might lead to difficult decisions, and that’s fine. Because when you know it’s real, there won’t be many doubts, no half-truths, no breadcrumbing, playing games or anything like that. You’ll just know.

Featured image by Uday Mittal on Unsplash