How do you not feel lonely when you live alone?

When I moved out of my parent’s house, I thought living alone would be great. No more queueing for the bathroom, choosing what I have for dinner every evening, coming home whenever I want to. Even though I have always valued my alone time and need it to energize, I was surprised to feel lonely. In this article, I share my best advice on not feeling lonely when you live alone.

Tip 1: Make your home feel like home

When I moved out, I was still a student and didn’t have an endless budget to buy fancy furniture or kitchen appliances. Still, you don’t need a well-stocked bank account to make your home cosy. You may find it helps to feel comfortable in your home if you have a nice couch (check out thrift stores or giveaway groups nearby), some soft pillows and a blanket, live plants or candles.

Also don’t forget to add personal touches, such as a small photo frame, your favourite kitchen utensils (I’m certain everyone has those, I have a favourite spatula), etcetera. It’s nice to have some things around that remind you of home and your old room.

Tip 2: Find a good routine

When I lived alone for the first time, it was easy to act lazy and postpone doing the dishes, cooking every night or vacuuming the floor. It’s fine to pamper yourself sometimes, but I’ve found that having a good routine does wonders for my mood. Try to find a bit of time every day to sweep the floor, do the dishes, wipe the table with a wet cloth, whatever. It’ll clear your table and your mind.

When you live with others, this routine may be easier to maintain because of a (more or less) fixed schedule. When you live on your own, you can practice a bit of self-care by preparing your breakfast the night before, or continue pizza nights on Fridays. It’s important to have those little rituals and traditions, and there’s no shame in doing them alone.

Tip 3: Plan enough fun things to do

Now that you’re living on your own, it would be a shame not to make good use of your newfound freedom. When you live alone and you start feeling a bit lonely, a quick cure is to meet up with people. My advice is to not cram all your plans on the weekend, but try to spread them out a bit. You can for example have dinner with friends or family after school or work, or go for an afternoon walk on a weekday. It’s a nice break in the middle of the workweek and you’ll have plenty of time for other plans in the weekend.

If you can, try to make time in your week for sports or anything active! Staying active is beneficial to your health and helps clear your mind. Even if it’s just a 20-minute yoga session from home or a walk around the block.

Tip 4: Value your alone time

This may sound like a no-brainer, but I have found it very helpful. Instead of wondering what plans you can write down in your agenda to fill up every day of the week, you can also try to make plans with yourself. As I get older, I realize more that time is a valuable thing.

There’s nothing wrong with spending an evening at home sometimes, on your own, watching Netflix, and munching on some snacks. In between school, work, meeting up with friends and family, making time for your hobbies and going to the gym, it’s good to also schedule some alone time. There are plenty of things that are better enjoyed when you’re alone, such as karaoke in front of the mirror or watching your favourite film that no one else ever wants to see with you.

Tip 5: Avoid the silence

When my grandma died, the first thing my grandpa mentioned about living alone was how he hated the silence. Moving out of your parent’s house, where you live with other people, can be hauntingly quiet in your new house. I made it a habit to play music pretty much throughout the day, listen to podcasts or play ASMR when I can’t sleep.

If have the opposite problem because of noisy neighbors or a busy street in front of your house, you can also opt for noise-cancelling headphones. Some luxury brands offer noise-cancelling headphones with excellent microphones, that you can also use for online meetings.

Tip 6: Find a hobby you can do alone

During COVID-19, many people suddenly found new hobbies in painting, board games, jigsaws and hiking. Hopefully, we won’t be as confined to our own homes again in the future. Yet, it might be a good idea to look into a hobby you can do alone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be done indoors, but I’ve found it helpful to have something to look forward to, and that I could do alone.

Here are some ideas:

Puzzling: whether it’s jigsaws, puzzle books, etcetera.
Painting/colouring: for example painting by numbers or colouring books for adults.
Gardening: even if you don’t have a garden, you can still grow small plants on a balcony or herbs on the window sill.
Knitting/crocheting/etc.: some people can make beautiful and/or practical designs, and you can do this while watching a series or listening to a podcast.
Sport: try to find a sport that you enjoy. For example, you can join group lessons at the gym, do fitness, or try rock climbing or kick boxing.

Tip 7: Don’t worry about it too much

There are many steps between occasionally spending a night alone and becoming a hermit. It’s normal to feel lonely at times when you live alone and you don’t have plans to meet people for the day. Especially in the evenings in winter, when it’s dark early outside and you listen to Christmas songs about families spending time together (or is that just me?). Just remember that this feeling will pass, and better times are ahead. It happens to the best of us.

Featured image by Anthony Tran on Unsplash