How to meet your partner’s family for the first time
Meeting your partner’s family is usually a significant step in your relationship. Maybe you’re nervous about how you should act or how you should give them the best impression of you. In this blog, I will advise you on how you can make meeting your partner’s family as easy and comfortable as possible, so you can be the best version of yourself.
Tip 1: Keep it small the first time
If your partner happens to have a large family with many siblings, you can also choose not to meet everyone at once. You can discuss with your partner that you both only meet each other’s parents the first time, or you meet up with one of their siblings at a time.
My advice is: try to keep things equal regarding meeting your partner’s family and vice versa. Maybe your partner also feels a bit nervous about meeting your family, even if they don’t want to admit it outright. It can also help by communicating things to both your families and explaining why you both chose to not do one big get-together.
Tip 2: Don’t arrive alone and consider meeting somewhere else
Another tip of mine is that when you’re a bit anxious, it can be a good idea to discuss arriving together with your partner. Especially if you’ve decided to come to their parent’s house, and even more if it’s your partner’s family home, you can feel even more like an outsider when your partner and his family are already there when you arrive. Come together with your partner and you’ll feel more like you two go together as a couple.
If going to their house is difficult for logistic reasons, you can also pitch the idea to your partner and their family to meet somewhere else. You could all go for lunch together, or dinner. If you all enjoy the outdoors, you can even plan to go for a hike together. It can ease your nerves to meet in a public place, where you don’t feel like you’re in their personal space.
Tip 3: Think of small talk topics to talk about beforehand
Already break out in hives or get sweaty palms when thinking about what to say? If you either completely shut down and find it difficult to start a conversation when you’re nervous, or if you instantly start oversharing when you’re anxious, it can be a good idea to think of small talk topics before you enter the room.
It’s always a good idea to ask for a bit of intel from your partner. What do their partners do for work, how long have they lived in their current house, etcetera? You don’t have to comb through their entire social media profiles, just gather some basic info that will provide you with small talk topics.
Safe topics/conversation starters can be, for example:
- House, garden
- Their work (maybe they recently started a new job, got promoted, etc.)
- Family (refer to recent events, such as a graduation, or a new job)
- Upcoming holidays, vacations, birthdays
Tip 4: Try to plan an activity or set time
Another tip of mine is to plan an activity or make sure there is a set time with a natural ending for when to visit. You can propose to your partner and their family to go for a walk for example, or to come for dinner. That way, there’s a natural ending to the activity (either go for coffee after or go home) and you won’t have to worry about staying either too short or too long.
Tip 5: Stay positive
Most importantly, remember that meeting your partner’s family is a good thing! They know their child/sibling is happy to be with you, and they want to get to know you. Most people would be understanding if you’re not completely comfortable the first time you meet them, but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future to loosen up a little and show a bit more of yourself.
One last bit of advice: bring a gift or not? It greatly depends on the (local) culture and what the customs are in that family, but in my experience, it’s rarely expected. An exception is when it’s someone’s birthday, it’s always important to bring a small gift yourself (such as a plant or chocolates). You can always join your partner in their gift, but it shows that you pay attention to the small details and will certainly be appreciated. Just don’t go overboard with it, you don’t have to buy your way in the family (or I hope so).
In summary
It’s understandable and common to be a bit nervous about meeting your partner’s family for the first time. Try not to let that stop you from looking forward to it, though, and enjoy it! Some tips to make the first meeting a bit easier are: don’t meet everyone at once, arrive together with your partner, think of some conversation starters beforehand, consider planning an activity or a fixed time and finally, stay positive. Hopefully, this helps to ease your nerves a bit, and if it doesn’t, you’ll probably meet them many more times in the future. It will get easier every time, as you get to know them better and they get to know you better.
Featured image by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
