How do you deal with extroverted colleagues?

Do you ever dread going to the office, because you know it will be busy? Do you feel like you can’t finish your work because all your colleagues are talkative and like to socialise during work hours? As an introverted overthinker, you may find it difficult to deal with extroverted colleagues, who value personal connections above finishing their work. Working closely together with an extroverted colleague can be even more challenging than just being in the office together. In this article, I will share the best tips on how to deal with extroverted colleagues at your job.

Tip 1: Small talk matters

As an introverted overthinker (sounds like a prize-winning combination, doesn’t it?), it can be difficult to navigate small talk. It’s not like I’m dying to know how everyone’s weekend was and if my colleague’s aunt’s toe has finally healed, but small talk does matter. 

Some practical tips on how to survive small talk:

• The moments that matter the most are in the morning, when everyone arrives at the office, during lunch and at the end of the day, when you go home, whenever you can, try to engage in small talk at these times.
• Remember one small thing about the people you talk to most. I know it can feel like an impossible task trying to remember everything from everyone, but it helps with coming across as thoughtful and friendly. Easy subjects are children (every parent likes to talk about their kid), vacations (either planned or already in the past) moving houses or renovations.
• Conversations are back and forth, but you don’t have to linger. Practice gracefully ending a conversation, for example by going to get coffee (don’t forget to ask your colleague if they want a cup of coffee) or because you have to get back to your work.

Tip 2: Make yourself visible

No matter how hard you work, if your work is invisible, in the background or someone else takes credit for it, you won’t ever get the acknowledgement for your work that you deserve. Therefore, it’s important to make yourself and your work visible at the workplace, especially in the presence of extroverted colleagues who may draw more attention to themselves.

 How do you make yourself more visible, without coming across as bragging? 

• Be upfront about what you’re working on, in one-on-one talks, in meetings, etc. For specific tips on speaking up during meetings as an overthinker, read this article: INTERNAL LINK. 
• Try not to minimize your work. I have had a bad habit in the past of using diminutive terms when I talked about my work and accomplishments, such as “a short report”, “a couple of changes”, and “a little guide”. Don’t do that. If you pay notice, you’ll find out your colleagues, especially the best-performing ones, don’t use those words either. If you wrote something, it’s a “report”. If you made changes, you “optimized” or “revised” it. Don’t devalue yourself or your work.
• Be upfront when something’s bothering you or you have questions. Don’t think that you’re being brash or impertinent.  For example, you find out all of your team members are invited to a certain meeting. Do you ignore this, and think that there must be a good reason why you were skipped? Or do you step up and ask who organized the meeting, and go to them directly and ask? Chances are it was by accident, and you are invited after all. Or they did have a good reason for it, and you’ll find out about it. Either way, you deserve to know these things, especially if you think something might be important for you to be present to or to know about.

Tip 3: Switch between working from home and at the office

For us overthinking introverts, it can be energy-draining to spend the entire day at the office, with constant distractions, conversations and quick meetings (which are easier to do spontaneously at the office than from home). It can be tempting to spend all your time at home, but I advise not to. Here are some reasons why it’s best to balance your time working from home and at the office:

• Most people don’t just care about your work but also want to get to know you as a person. Even if you mostly value someone’s work, this might not be the case for your colleagues. Most people also find it easier to work with someone if they have spoken to that person a few times, in person. It may cost you opportunities if your colleagues don’t find you approachable.
• It’s easier to join spontaneous after-work drinks or plans for work outings when you’re at the office. It’s good to be at office outings once in a while, it shows you want to spend time with your colleagues and you care about getting along with them. Even if it’s not your favourite thing to do, you want to prevent the situation where people won’t even ask you to join. 

Tip 4: Block your agenda

It can be a good idea to block your agenda if you find yourself in one of the following situations:

• You have a long to-do list and you need to finish certain tasks before the deadline.
• You fear you won’t finish your work in time because of meetings scheduled at short notice.
• You get distracted by chatty colleagues who call you via Teams or Skype or show up at your desk unannounced.

In these cases, it might be a good idea to block certain times in your agenda. For example, you can block an hour to work through your e-mail, half an hour to prepare a certain meeting (you can’t prepare a meeting if you have two meetings planned right after each other), etc. In Microsoft Teams, your status automatically changes to busy if you have an agenda item planned for that time period. If a colleague shows up at your desk, you can also point that out to them, if they haven’t checked your agenda. 

Tip 5: Don’t skip after-work activities

Finally, it’s a good idea to attend after-work activities with your colleagues, even if you’re tired and would like to go home above all. It’s important to stay visible to your colleagues (and your manager!) and it helps improve your work relations. Below, you’ll read some handy tips:

• Always have a drink. If you don’t drink anything, you will be the odd one out. Grab a Coke or another soda if you have to drive after or you don’t drink alcohol at all. Just make sure it’s not plain water.
• Socializing during drinks at the office can be daunting for an overthinker. I used to disassociate heavily when I was nervous at work, and it’s best to avoid complete panic and/or disassociation. Make sure you always do one of these two things: making small talk with the people standing right next to you, or actively participating in another conversation. Don’t just be a passive listener, people won’t notice you’re listening to their conversation! Make sure to ask questions, even if it feels like an interruption. If the conversation isn’t very private, they won’t mind.

In summary

• Do your daily dose of small talk
• Be visible in the workplace
• Divide your time in the workplace and at home
• Block time in your agenda
• Attend after-work activities with colleagues

Featured image by krakenimages on Unsplash