How to speak up more during work meetings as an overthinker
As an overthinker, I struggled for a long time with speaking up more during meetings. Active listening and taking notes, while also bringing up my talking points and responding to others, seemed like an impossible task. With these practical tips, I will advise you on how to be present, active, and responsive during meetings.
Tip 1: Prepare the meeting beforehand
Make it a habit to prepare for every meeting, preferably not five minutes before. A meeting is an opportunity to hear about new developments, create new chances for yourself to learn new skills, be involved with exciting projects, and connect with your coworkers. You should treat it as such, not as a passive lecture where you sit back and listen, or as lunch (just for socializing, not for bringing up work-related issues and news).
What should you prepare before the meeting? You can think of the following:
- Look briefly at the subject of the meeting, an accompanying note, the organiser, who is invited.
- Concerning the subject matter, what information do you need to hear from others? What questions do you have?
- What information do you want to provide, do you have any updates to give or other news?
- Do you have any follow-up actions that have to be discussed during the meeting, or that were still undecided or in progress from the last meeting?
Write these notes down for yourself. It doesn’t have to be in detail, just clear enough that you won’t have to delve deep into your mind during the meeting when one of the subjects comes up.
Tip 2: Take notes, but be pragmatic
As an overthinker (and an introvert), I often struggled with finding the right balance between active listening taking notes and being present and active during meetings. Taking notes isn’t about creating a complete record of the entire meeting with who said what and when, but writing down important updates, agreements, future meetings, and action punts. This can also prevent that you from feeling overwhelmed at work.
Some practical tips:
- When a subject comes up, write down the subject in a heading. That way it’s easy to keep track of the different subjects.
- When the subject is discussed, try to focus on the conversation and only try to write things down when there’s an agreement, action point or a meeting is planned. Try to stick to the essentials.
- When you discuss your topic, focus on the conversation first. You already prepared what you wanted to say, and you’ll be able to recall what is said after the topic is done or after the meeting. Few people can hold a substantive conversation and take detailed notes at the same time, so it’s best not to try.
Tip 3: Don’t be afraid to ask questions
No matter how senior in your role you are, there will always be moments where you won’t fully understand what someone is saying. When you find yourself needing further explanation, don’t hesitate to ask a question. How do you do that?
- Finding an opening during a meeting where many people are present, can take time and effort. If the person speaking leaves little silence, try to pitch in during a natural pause. You can also chime in when the subject changes, for example: “Excuse me, I had a question about the previous subject. What did you mean when you mentioned …?”
- You can also raise your “digital” hand if the meeting is online. That way, you won’t have to interrupt anyone and people will know you want to say something.
- Sometimes, you might think of a question too late and the subject has already changed, or there is too little time planned for the meeting and everyone starts leaving before you can ask anything. In that case, reach out to the person afterwards, either through e-mail or in person. They will probably not feel bothered by it at all and you’ll have your answer after all.
Tip 4: Active listening goes a long way
Ever notice how, especially during longer meetings, many people look like they aren’t listening anymore? Maybe some people start reading their e-mail, looking at their phone or whispering to the person next to them during the meeting. Either way, it’s always a good idea to make active listening during meetings a habit. Active listening will help you remember the contents of the meeting better, help you concentrate, and show others that you’re active and engaged with work.
Here are some tips for active listening during meetings:
- Communication is largely non-verbal. When someone is talking, try not to only listen to what they’re saying, but also how they’re saying it. If you can, also try to look at others when new subjects are announced. It’s always helpful to know if certain subjects are sensitive for some people, or if one person is very critical of a specific idea.
- Similarly, try to pay attention to your non-verbal communication. Sit up straight, maybe even lean forward a bit but certainly avoid leaning back in your chair with your arms crossed. Try to physically turn a bit in the direction of the person speaking. You don’t have to stare at people’s faces but try to occasionally make eye contact, especially when you’re the one talking.
- Don’t forget to summarize! If you’re listening and you want to make sure you’ve understood something the right way, or if you’re talking and you notice questioning looks from people. It’s an easy way to make your own story easier to follow and remember, and it can help you to confirm your own thoughts when someone else is talking.
Tip 5: Don’t stay silent — even if you risk saying something wrong
As an overthinker, I usually have two modus operandi when I’m nervous: either I start rambling incoherently, or I say nothing at all. To avoid the first one, I usually opt for the second, but this isn’t a good idea for meetings for multiple reasons. One, people will think you’re disengaged and uninterested in what they’re saying. Second, you might have some valuable contributions or questions, and you’re actively sabotaging yourself from learning new things and contributing to the conversation.
How to fix this? Unfortunately, this isn’t an easy fix, but it’s about a mindset change. Sometimes, it’s better to say something, even if it’s not completely right or true, than to say nothing. Do you remember every single instance in which a colleague misspoke, made a mistake or mispronounced a word? Probably not. So why would your colleagues remember every mistake you make?
In summary
In meetings, it’s not just important to actively listen but also to contribute to the conversation. Even if you don’t feel like you have anything to add, it can be useful to ask for clarification or to summarize action points. It can help to prepare for the meeting beforehand, make notes but stick to the most important pieces of information, ask questions, listen actively and finally, when you feel the need to speak up, just do so! Don’t be deathly afraid of making mistakes, we all do. Your contribution and viewpoints matter.
