How to plan your first vacation with your partner

A first vacation with a new partner is often exciting, but can also cause you stress and worry. Especially if you both have different vacation preferences, and activity levels and if both of your past vacations differed much. In this article, I will give you the best advice on how to plan your first vacation with your partner. This article answers the following questions:

Why you should plan and how to do that
Figure out what you want and don’t want
How to prioritize your wants and dealbreakers
Tips for planning on your first vacation together

Don’t wait too long to plan ahead

Before you even start planning the first vacation, it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t wait too long with this. Say, you both have a week off in February. My advice would be to start discussing possible vacation plans as early as possible. Aside from all the practical things that have to be done (booking accommodations, trip ideas, travel, etc.), it’s generally a good idea to take plenty of time for discussing general plans, brainstorming for specific ideas and working out possible different expectations between you.

If you start to plan early, you could also risk burning both of you out by talking about vacation too much. Talking about an upcoming vacation should be fun, but it can’t be done in one conversation. You can think of it in phases, where the phases aren’t strictly divided but more or less blend into each other. For example:

You start talking about wanting to go on vacation together. The subject comes up naturally and you both keep returning to it. You loosely talk about possible trip ideas and destinations, but nothing is set in stone yet.
You both start to look into the possible vacation plans a bit more seriously. Either alone or together, you start thinking of specific places to visit and things to do together.
You discuss both of your plans more in detail. Certain options might be crossed off the list, either because they’re infeasible or because one of you dislikes the idea.
You start planning the upcoming vacation together, paying attention to practical matters such as travel, accommodations, and time.
You agree on the final plans for your shared vacation.

Know your wants — and your dealbreakers

When planning a vacation, it’s important to remember that a vacation is a very personal thing. Especially if either of you previously travelled mostly alone or with friends, it can be a large transition to going on vacation with your partner. With just the two of you, you are bound to find out more about each other, what your likes and dislikes are, and how you act when you’re tired, stressed, or don’t speak the language.

Before you start planning the vacation together, it’s important to think about your own preferences. Secondly, it’s a good idea to prioritize your wants (if you have them) for the upcoming vacation and define your dealbreakers. Questions you can think of to ask yourself are, for example:

Accommodation: what are you comfortable with, and with what not? Would you sleep in a tent, or on a boat? Are you comfortable staying in a remote area or do you want to stay in the city?
Travel: do you get car sick? Can you handle being on a plane (for a few hours or longer), or a long car drive?
Activity: do you enjoy being active on vacations or not? What is your activity level, do you enjoy city walks or day hikes to climb up a mountain? What is your limit?
Nightlife: do you like to go out, or do you prefer to stay in? Are you okay with staying in a vibrant part of the city, or do you like more quiet evenings? If you’re an introvert, you might need to re-energize on a city trip.
Trips: what kind of trips do you like to do on vacation? Do you prefer a mixture of culture, activity and relaxation, or do you prefer a sole beach vacation?
Food: are you comfortable eating food you haven’t eaten before, or do you prefer familiar food? Do you have any food allergies or sensitivities that make eating while travelling difficult?

Of course, there are a lot more subjects you can come up with, but this illustrates how many things you can think of before planning your vacation. Note that if any of these things are a dealbreaker to you, it’s also important to keep them in mind. In general, it’s important that you can set boundaries with your partner.

Prioritize your wants and dealbreakers

How do you prioritize this? You can use the following four categories:

Want: this is something that you specifically want to do/see/experience on your vacation. It’s very important to you. For example: you really like museums, so it’s a must for you to visit a museum on the trip.
Wish: a wish is optional. It would be nice, but it’s by no means necessary. For example: you like going to the spa and would enjoy a spa day, but only if there’s time.
Dislike: this is open for discussion, but it’s not your personal preference. For example: you get easily car sick, so you prefer to not go on long drives. If there’s no other option, though, you can deal with it.
Dealbreaker: non-negotiable, this is not happening if it’s up to you. For example: you won’t go wild camping. Ever.

Don’t overdo the first trip — keep it small

It can be tempting to try to cram as many activities in your couple’s vacation as possible, but that’s a bad idea for multiple reasons, such as:

You haven’t been on vacation together before. You don’t know how you’ll act when you’re tired, hungry, confused because you don’t speak the language, and so on.
You want to have some time left to relax and be together. If you have to finish the entire schedule for the day, your vacation will feel more like work than time off.
If all goes well, there will be plenty of vacations together, and it’s fun to keep some plans in store to look forward to next time.

So, what is a good first vacation idea to plan? Start with a long weekend. It may not sound fascinating at first glance, but you can always go on longer vacations later. Some tips:

A good starter vacation is a weekend away. Try to aim for at least three nights, or you’ll spend most of your time packing and unpacking your bags.
Keep things simple. It’s best to avoid overly unfamiliar or daunting vacation locations or ideas. Travel easily by car or public transport (if it’s well-organized). You don’t want to spend most of your energy on finding transportation or transportation itself (8-hour hikes, cycling holidays, best to save those ideas for later).
Avoid overplanning! Try to think of three or four must-do activities, and have some backup plans in case of rainy days or other unforeseen circumstances. It’s fine to also include some things that aren’t unique to that place. For example, it can also be fun to go to the cinema together in a new place.

In summary

Planning a first vacation with your partner involves many steps and generally requires good and open communication. It’s important to be open about what you like and dislike and listen to your partner’s opinion. Apart from that, the most important thing to remember is that planning a vacation should be fun! It’s fine to save the big plans and large holidays for later in the relationship. Hopefully, with these tips, your first vacation together will be a good start.

Featured image by Daniel Frank on Unsplash