What’s the difference between loving someone and being in love?

You’ve been together with your partner for a while now, and you start to wonder if it’s actually love or not. Maybe you don’t feel fireworks every time you meet, and it’s not like a ray of sunshine hits their face whenever you look at them. How do you know you’ve transitioned from being in love to loving someone? How do you know the difference? In this article, I will explain the signs to look out for if you want to know if you’re in love, or loving them.

1: You no longer get nervous when you two meet

One clear sign that you’re still in the “in love” stage is when you’re still nervous whenever you meet them. When you meet someone new, everything about them is new and exciting. You don’t know the other person very well yet, and you might even feel a bit anxious about seeing them again.

How do you feel when you’re loving them and past that stage?

You’re happy to see them but without the anxiety and nervosity.
You don’t hold back from telling them about your day, you’re not afraid to give off the wrong impression or to sound too negative.
You want to hear about their day and you can listen to what they’re saying. You don’t worry if your face looks weird or if you’re too quiet or say too much.

2: You’re comfortable calling them your partner

When I had my first serious relationship, I found it difficult to use the words “partner” or “boyfriend” in the beginning. It almost felt like imposter syndrome, like I was afraid that the minute I said the words, he would break up with me. I worried that our relationship wasn’t serious enough to use that word or to exclaim it to other people.

If you find yourself having difficulty telling others about your partner or using specific words for your significant other, don’t panic! This is not a definitive sign, some people just don’t like to describe their SO in that way. Maybe you prefer referring to them by their name, which is also fine. Just remember that no panel of judges decides if your relationship is worthy enough to be called a certain title. If you two agreed on a certain term, then that’s good enough.

3: You had your first fight

Every relationship has ups and downs, and your first big fight is a great sign. Of course, being in a fight is never fun and it’s understandable if you don’t have any fond memories. Still, it’s an important milestone in every new relationship and if the fight is past you, it shows that you two can recover even after such an event. How you both handle conflict and how you resolve that conflict, is an important predictor for the future of your relationship.

4: You can talk about your feelings with them

Whenever you’re together with them, do you feel comfortable talking about your feelings? Everyone has rough patches in life, and your partner should stand beside you to conquer them together. If you feel like you can’t open up to them, you may rethink about what you share with them and that might be detrimental to your relationship.

Below are some questions that you can ask yourself when you worry about this:

When you talk about something negative that happened, how do they respond?
Do they laugh at you, act irritated, shift the blame to you or try to rationalize everything and come up with unasked advice and solutions?
Do you worry about their response before talking about your day, things that happened or your feelings?
How do you respond when they talk about something negative in their lives? Do you feel like you’re supporting them as well?

5: You know their flaws – and accept them

One of the biggest signs that the honeymoon period is over, is when you realize that they’re not a perfect person after all. Maybe they’re a terrible cook, always forget to dry the shower cabin or they can’t drive. Maybe they can’t remember names, always leave their keys in the door or their guilty pleasure is watching trash reality tv. Regardless of their flaws, you’re aware of them and you accept them. Sometimes, it might feel like picking your battles, but in the end, no one is perfect. You know that about them, and you focus on what’s important. That’s love.

Featured image by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash